I’ve done some thinking about Brian Holcomb’s excellent guest post on Saturday. When he and I were talking prior to that post being written, I made the comment that my wife’s sticking with me through all the crap we’ve been through actually made her hotter than Kate Beckinsale to me.
I did some thinking as to why that is, and I think I’ve hit on it.
You see, in this day and age, guys are bombarded by stories of women bolting from the marriage after the guy loses his job, or of leaving their husband for someone who makes more money, and so on. It’s terrifying to think that someone you swore to spend your whole life with is really only looking for a paycheck.
The following is a guest post by my friend, Brian Holcomb. It spawned out of a conversation he and I were having about wives. In the first paragraph, he notes that it may seem weird for a post like this to be on a blog like this, but I’m going to say that if you don’t feel this way about your wife, the way Brian and I feel about our wives, you need to do some serious self-reflection.
This may seem a little strange and personal especially for a guest post on a masculinity blog, but after talking with Tom the other night, I have some thoughts that have to be shared. The fact is, every man, the real men that I’ve known, not the players, assholes, and douchebags but the real men have felt this way about the women they love most and I’ve recently been able to articulate it a little better I think than most of us usually can, so here goes.
Being a woman is hard. We men get a lot of grief over being competitive, but we pick things to compete over and we’re loud about it. Who’s the best golfer? Who’s the best rifle shot? Who’s the best shotgunner? Who’s the best deer hunter? Who built the fastest car? Guys can answer these questions about their group of friends without effort because that’s what we do. Women on the other hand, whether they talk about it or not compete with each other about everything. They’re always comparing themselves to the other ladies around them and to the images they’re presented in media. Continue reading “Guest Post: A Love Letter To Wives (Especially Mine)”
Relationships are tough. Anyone who has been in one knows how tough they can be. It’s also not unusual for someone who has just gotten out of a relationship to want to take a bit of a break before delving into the waters of long-term companionship.
More and more Japanese millennials are opting for virtual relationships over real ones. That’s right, instead of dating a human being, they’re dating their favorite film or anime character, even a meme or character in a video game. It’s a cultural trend that’s sparked the creation of a multi-million dollar “virtual romance industry” in Japan. And it has Japanese sociologist Masahiro Yamada rather frightened for his country’s future.
While researching another post for this site, I came across something that bugged me. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen it, mind you, but that didn’t change anything.
I was looking into any studies done to describe why men rag one another so hard when we interact. While reading one page, however, someone commented that men are essentially built for conflict and competition, while women are built around the idea of cooperation.
Yesterday, I was talking with a friend of mine about being in the friend zone. This friend, a woman, has a male acquaintance she was once dating until he dropped everything to whisk his bestest bestie (another woman) off on a trip after the bestest bestie was going through some “stuff”.
It turns out, this guy is actually stuck in the friend zone with his bestest bestie, who he’s apparently in love with.
For the last decade or so, he’s languished there in the hopes that the situation will change and she’ll welcome him into her heart. To that hope, I have but one thing to offer:
Over the weekend, I talked a bit about “tribes” and why tribes aren’t such a bad thing. Now, I’d like to float my own idea for an intentional tribe, or a community. Whatever term you use is irrelevant. What matters is that it’s a group of people who bind themselves together under a set of principles.
Recently, I’ve been thinking about tribes and tribalism. Donovan, at the end of The Way of Men, admonished guys to form “gangs”, basically groups of men who are beholden to you and who you are beholden to.
The reality is that not only is it impossible to prove yourself to billions of people, or even millions, unless you have a massive platform, it’s also completely pointless. Part of honor is in having the approval of your peers, and those millions aren’t your peers.